I am 3 yrs old

I am 3 yrs old right now. I am not sure why I am not important to my father. I want to be important. I’m stuck at age 3. Consciously I know that I am 40 yrs old. I would consciously tell you that I am a strong individual. A great leader, mentor and teacher. I walk my talk everyday. I value my life. I am important to anyone that lets me help them. I add value to other people’s lives. I know the journey that I am on is to continue the story where I left off. From age 3 until now age 40. I have been doing my best to live life. I used the old tools to deal with life. But what my soul really wants to do is resolve and evolve. I am so thankful for the tools to heal it completely instead of deal and stuff it so deep that I don’t feel it anymore (that is what causes dis-ease.)

But I also have challenges like taking care of myself physically. I can take care of myself mental, emotionally, and spiritually. But I put myself last. I find that in a relationship that I am the last priority on the list. I tell people go ahead I will wait. I do it all alone. I don’t wear make up, exercise, or take care of my looks. I don’t brush my teeth twice a day. I hardly never floss and I really like to but don’t. I don’t have any time or energy let for me. When I get a chance to take care of me, I just want to veg and not think. I force myself to pamper me at least once a month. I am stuck in moving forward with my business. I seem to make sign makers allude me. I don’t have customers. I can’t market myself properly. I can’t see to use everything to the fullest potential. Of course these challenges are all signs.

I have been on this journey of healing for a long time. I heal almost everyday. I know when to watch for clues. I know when I am in a lesson. I write about it. Oh the many layers that I have healed. I am so impressed with this new epiphany that I have today.

Every clue has been pointing to age three. I know that I had an experience, encoding, imprint, genetic, and lifetimes all apply here. I made a decision. I am not sure about all the words that are involved yet. I know I will find out soon.

I didn’t really have a father. I am not sure when he left. He was an abuser of every kind. I think my mother left him when I was three. He was an alcoholic. It was nothing but negative in the house all the time. My mother was never good enough and could not do anything right and neither could us kids. There were 5 siblings in the family in a two-bedroom trailer. In the late 60’s it was a small trailer. We would get on each other nerves all the time. I was pretty much raised by my siblings. Mother had to work to set us free from dad and the hell. I found out about a year or so ago, that my older siblings really didn’t like me. They were mean to me all the time. I favored one sister out of bunch because she paid attention to me. She was nice at times. Then she got older and wanted friends her age. I will tell you as a kid it broke my heart. She literally wouldn’t speak to me again. She was my rock. As an adult, It consciously didn’t seem to matter. I love her and we are close so what is the big deal about the past, I was just a kid. But when I looked deeper into the feeling of those memories. I see that I dealt with it so many times that I stuffed it so deep that I could consciously not feel it. It was only when I recalled a specific incident that I was able to become real with my feelings. Ego had helped me stuff it because there were no other tools around at that time to heal. I know that I relied on my ego to give me false self-assuredness that life will be okay. I healed the pain and I physically felt better. Anyway. This is about me and my father. I never new him. I had a step dad but he was pretty much the same as my real dad. Except I don’t think he every hit me. His looks could kill. Ouch. She did mom’s.

I have a great life but I physically am sick. I have been using all the tools I have to heal this. I got through so many layers that this one is a big one. I got the phrase, “can’t express positive emotions” I am thinking as the adult I am now. Yes I do. But really every time I do or am for a short amount of time, I physically get sick. I linked it. I finally got a clear answer. I then tracked my meridian energy. A clue is that there are 12 meridians that hold emotions and by holding certain points we can sedate or tone it and remove the emotions. I am cleaning today and I am finding that I am enjoying myself. I am not sick but it feels good to accomplish things. About an hour later my breathing starts to act up. I go to the acuscope machine and tested myself and find out that my stomach meridian doesn’t have enough energy. And my circulation/sex meridian is split really bad and my bladder meridian is really high. I looked at the stomach meridian and the emotions that I picked up was, expanded importance of self and stifled. Early that week I had discovered at 3.
I stop myself from being happy.
It is unsafe to express it in front of…
It is unsafe to be happy and positive…
I will get into trouble if I am happy…
I want to fit in…
I don’t want to take care of self properly…
I can’t take of self properly.
I am stuck in moving forward with my doctorial degree, my books, my website, my signs for business,
I project my husband to not show up for me.
I can’t count on him.
I can’t finish things like I want or use to.
Money seems to be an issue.

I noticed that as a businessperson I want to inform the people that don’t know anything about this. (that = dad) I want to fit in with that crowd (that = dad) I am exerting myself to the wrong crowd because of that 3yr old incident. No wonder I feel like people don’t like me. That they won’t accept me or that they will come with pitch forks and do away with me. They are my father. I will tell you up until now. I didn’t think (consciously) my world was evolving around my father. I am important and I have so much to share why am I not getting a response from people. (that = dad)

wow. I love healing. I am so glad that this epiphany happened. It has been a long time in coming. I am done with suffering and I choose better and I am anchoring my life in Giving HOPE now. I am off to heal myself. Yeah me. If any of you are reading this.

Remember I am a Medicine Woman/Spiritual Leader. You can heal that (call 989-834-5163) and paypal hope@hope-giving-life.com. To do business with you. I require payment ahead. I like to heal using Skype Me: givinghopecenter